People are pretty baffled by this bizarre and super-horny Meghan Trainor press release

"This has given me a UTI"

By Andrew Trendell
Daryl Sabara and Meghan Trainor

A new press release about new music from Meghan Trainor has gone viral and inspired a shocked reaction across Twitter, due to its very graphic nature and bizarre phrasing.

To promote the ‘All About That Bass’ chart-topper’s new video ‘All The Ways’ taken from her new EP ‘The Love Train’, the mailout referred to her recent marriage to the Spy Kids actor Daryl Sabara, as well as noting how Valentine’s Day is the ideal time for “smashing bae’s junk to smithereens”, how Billboard was “wet” for the single, and how the song ‘Foolish’ “slaps so hard you’ll be stanning for days”.

Read the full release below:

“Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and whether you’re planning on smashing bae’s junk to smithereens or making out with a pint of Phish Food, you need some fresh Valentine’s Day bops to get you in the mood for L♡VE. And MEGHAN TRAINOR has got you covered with her new EP, THE LOVE TRAIN [Epic Records.]

“You know you want it. And you can freakin’ get it b*tch. On all digital platforms right HERE.

 “Meghan’s seducing your ears this V-Day, and you know she knows a thing or two about romance. Unless your phone’s been broken for a hot minute, you know that Meghan just got married to the ginger from Spy Kids, and trust when we say, girl is feeling the love. She took a break from her busy schedule to record some fire tracks in Los Angeles alongside frequent collaborators and producers Andrew Wells [5SOS, Fall Out Boy, Jason Mraz], J KASH (Maroon 5, Charlie Puth, Kesha) and Tyler Johnson [Harry Styles, CAM].

 “We know you want to hear songs about all the hot newlywed sex Meghan and Daryl Sa-BAE-ra are having (did you see what we did there?). Which is why you’ll love the banging’ single “All The Ways.” Billboard was wet for “All The Ways,” calling it “another fun, danceable track to fall in love with.” And would Billboard lie to you, girl?

“But perhaps the piece de resistance (that’s French for “Wig Snatch”) is “Marry Me,” a romantic acoustic guitar and ukulele-tinged Awww Fest which delivers all the feels (and then more feels). Meghan wrote the song thirty days after meeting Daryl, and it was so good that she walked down the aisle to it. We know, it’s a little bit #Vomworthy, but also, am I chopping onions right now or are those tears rolling down my face? I’m not crying, you’re crying.

“And as always, our Grammy-Winning, Diamond Single-having QUEEN didn’t just come to play — she came to slay. She’s serving vocals on the passionate, Celine Dion-esque power ballad “After You.” Plus, Meghan’s serving your insatiable thirst for dance-ready bops with the upbeat banger that is “Foolish.” It slaps so hard you’ll be stanning for days. “As if all the PDA, including foot massages, butterfly kisses and piggy back rides aren’t cringe worthy enough,” says her brother and videographer Ryan… “I’ve got to film it all!”

“Choo choo betch! The Love Train is leaving the station and you better get on board.

 “Be on the lookout for more surprises very soon as she prepares for a landmark 2019.”

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Many took to Twitter to react with shock, disbelief and/or repulsion.

“This Meghan Trainor press release has just given me a UTI,” wrote one Twitter user. “This is a crime against… everybody,” wrote another.

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The creator of the press release, The Late Late Show writer Caroline Goldfarb, soon took online to revel in the division that the piece had caused.

“A lot of my friends are texting me in complete disbelief that I could have possibly written this insane, unhinged, extremely horny Meghan Trainor press release,” she wrote, “unfortunately its 100% true.

“A lot of people absolutely HATE the press release I wrote for Meghan Trainor and claim it seems like ‘a horny 12 year old with no writing experience’ must have written it. Jokes on them because I’m actually a horny 28 year old with *some* writing experience.”

She continued: “I just had to block someone who said I deserved the electric chair for writing the horny Meghan Trainor press release, but jokes on them, cause I’m the one who got paid to say ‘smash bae’s junk to smithereens’.”

Goldfarb added: “Trivia: The original draft had a line about Meghan buying sex toys with the ginger from Spy Kids but they took it out.”

 

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